If you wanna know about life...ask your children

On March 28th of my 8th year, my world changed. I discovered that in one instant everything can change. The carefree normalcy of a childhood being spent in a loving home, where no talk of death and dying had ever needed to be introduced was irrevocably crushed by the death of my mother. I remember thinking that all was not ever going to be right with the world  and if you were to have asked me what I thought of the universe and my place in it I have an idea that my answers would have reflected such dismay and new found dissillusion about the world, in particuarily mine.

Now, as I have the opportunity to be a mother myself and see childhood from a different perspective it occured to me that something could be learned not only from visiting with my eight year old son about where he is with the universe, but that in the doing of this I would gain insight as to where my head might have been, and might perhaps have been unable to grasp about my own eigth year.

Alisa Murray and son James EdwardJames Edward I must first confess, is so much like me that to parent him is often scary. He is in almost every way a duplicate of me. From his mannerisms and tempermant to his quirky way of describing the universe I see glimpses of who I was and there is an innocense and naivety there that can not be brushed over. For it is in childhood that we get the chance to develop lasting impressions of what the universe is and is not. This is when my degree in psychology has helped not only me work through my own childhood tragedies , but to be able to recognize stages of development for what they are... milestones of growth and maturity.

Ahhh, to be eight again! To blindly awaken to an unquestionable dawn and go about one’s day with the only agenda being obsevation of one’s surroundings and the reactions of the adults to daily events. In stepping back, and stepping into my eight year olds shoes for a few moments I learned many things about the universe. Here are a few questions and answers from our conversations about the universe and of things big and small.

Did you know that there is only life on this world? Without any hesitation, and no explanation this is a fact in James Edward’s vision of our place in the universe. When he sees someone in a wheelchair he said it made him sad because that person must be hurt somehow. Boys are most definetly nicer than girls, hands down! They teach you at school that the food goes into your stomach and into your legs so you can run fast. I married Brian because he had my true love’s kiss. The worst chore in the world (grave tragedy) is to have to write spelling words and make sentences! If lost in a forest he would call me on his sister’s iphone. God is cool. Jesus is brave. If he couldn’t live in Houston he’d like to live at the Plaza in NYC! ( I told you he is my child) He is not afraid to fly, but he doesn’t like the “crashing part.” People are only good looking if they are sweet. Make-up is not necessary for mommies. Chocolate should be served for breakfast, lunch and dinner...especially Uncle Bruce’s cake at Amici. He thinks he has been cute at every age in his pictures. The top five characteristics that he most likes about himself are “everything I got from my mommy.” (Gotta love this kid) When asked the question “what causes prejudice?” He responded what’s that? When I asked him if he believed in heaven he smiled and looked at me like I was crazy to ask such a question. I asked him what heaven is like.. he said, “ Spirits zooming around everywhere doing all the things they like!” (I know he is close to the mark on that one!)  Finally, I asked him what was old? He said 102, cause that’s when your body can’t manage your spirit anymore. ( That’s also when Nana died and the only person close to him he has ever known to die). Finally, and I saved the best for last, What age is the best to be? He giggled and said “the one you are!” 

I highly recommend sitting and talking with your children about the big and little things. I learned that your concept of life is very much influenced by your experiences. I gained new insights about myself and my son by having taken the time to visit with him and I hope you’ll be so inspired to do the same. You never know what you might learn about the universe, (ha!) and more importantly it was a reality check for me as a mother and a confirmation that what I am doing in raising him is going quite well!
Take Care of you!